7 Biblical Statements About Marriage

Note: The following is a message I shared at PPC this morning during a post wedding celebration. 

Everyone has an opinion what marriage is. Every culture has something to say about marriage. The world we live in has a definition what marriage should be. Even among Christ's followers, they have different opinion about marriage.

Book stores are filled with thousands upon thousands of books about marriage. As of November 28, 2015, Amazon has 415,243 books on marriage on sale. That's almost half million books on marriage. Unbelievable! If you read one book a day, it would take you more than one thousand years before you can read them all or if you read 10 books per day, it would take you over 100 years to read.  

Despite all the books on marriage to help couples stay committed, marriage has more problem today than the rest of human history. 

People have many opinion and advice about marriage. As Christians, we should know what the Bible says about marriage. There are very little passages about marriage in the Bible. People elevated the subject on marriage as if it is the center of our being. While the Bible didn't really say much about marriage, whenever the Bible speaks on this topic, it's very straightforward, clear and no beating around the bush! I probably have more than 10 books about marriage at home, but when I was preparing this message, I didn't consult any of them. I chose not to because I want to see what the Bible has to say. Here are 7 Biblical Statements on marriage.

1. Marriage is between a Man and a Woman. 

God created only the man in the first place. He didn't create them as pair to start with. When Adam was lonely, God said, "It is not God for the man to be alone. I will create a helper suitable for him." Did you notice something? It is interesting that God didn't create another man as suitable partner for Adam. This means the kind of marriage instituted by God is between man and a woman. Let's read the verse. "A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and two shall become one flesh" (Gen 2: 24). God wants Adam and Eve to have Children. Adam and another man won't be able to produce a child.

Marriage between a man and a woman was reaffirmed by Jesus in the New Testament. In Matthew 19:4-5, "He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one’?"

2. Marriage is a choice. 

For Adam and Eve, it wasn't a choice, it was God's design. But Adam really likes Eve too. Love at first sight. In the New Testament, according to Paul marriage is a choice and singleness is a gift. Paul said, "I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7: 8-9). To the virgins, because of the present crisis I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife (1 Cor. 7: 26-27).

It's perfectly fine to be single. Don't feel bad if you are single. Some people think that marriage is the best. It isn't!

3. Marriage is God's Provision for the Problem of Sexual Immorality. 

"Because of immorality each man should have his own wife and each woman should have his own husband." (1 Cor. 7: 2). The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive one another. (1 Corinthians 7: 3-4). If the following verse is a movie, it would be rated R: In his wisdom, Solomon writes, "Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. (Proverbs 5: 15-19). 

4. Infidelity is Prohibited in Marriage. The Ten Commandments says, "You shall not commit adultery". "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife." "The marriage bed should be honored by all, and the marriage bed should be kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."  Hebrews 13: 4

5. Marriage is a Lifetime Commitment. 

Divorce is not God's Idea. Divorce is created by man. Jesus said, "What God has joined together let no man separate." (Mark 3: 9) Paul said, "Are you married? Do not seek a divorce."  (1 cor. 7:27). Wife should not separate his husband and husband should not divorce his wife. A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. (1 Cor. 7: 39).

6. The Husband is Mandated to Love his Wife.  

Husbands love your wife just as Christ loved the church and gave His life for her. How must he love his wife? The answer is simple but difficult. Love your wife like Jesus love the church and love your wife like yourself. (Matthew 5: 25, 28).

7. The Wife is Commanded to Submit and Respect her Husband. 

"Wives submit to your husband as to the Lord." ( Ephesians 5: 22) Wives must respect her husband. 

For marriage to work, there must be a mutual responsibility between the wife and the husband. There is no other way for marriage to work if only one party is doing the job. God's idea is that husband and wife become one.

Principles for Finding Your True Love

The majority of PPCers are singles; about 90 percent, I'd say. Thus on February 15, I started a teaching series on Biblical Principles for Finding True Love. True love is for life not for a season. It is true love only if it results in marriage. Love that does not result in marriage is not true love. Singleness is a good thing and does not mean you should get married if you don't want to. Some people say that celibacy is a gift, but I found that it is mostly a choice. If you are reading this and not married, the tendency is because you've chosen not to. You could have been married long time ago had you chose to marry just anybody. You didn't because you have some ideals, the kind of person you are looking for. The only exception of course when nobody pursued you or courted you and that's why you have no option other than being single. 

In this series I am covering what I call the P.E.A.C.E Principle based on a 3 love stories in the Old Testament, namely, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Boaz and Ruth. These principles are simple and easy to remember.

P-The Principle of Providence
E-The Principle of Exposure
A-The Principle of Attraction
C-The Principle of Compatibility
E-The Principle of Endurance. 

As I began to meditate on the passage and also on the principles, I thought maybe I should write a booklet based on these principles. 

Where Did Cain get His Wife? Are there other race besides Adam and Eve's Race

The other day, I was in a Bible study group of 14 ladies and one of them asked: Where Did Cain get his wife? When I posted about it on Facebook, two FB friends of mine asked how did I answer the question. Since it was too long to put my answer on Facebook, I decided to put on my blog. 

The following was how I answered the question, Where did Cain get his Wife?  

When God created Adam and Eve, they were already adults and were capable of having a child from day one. Let us remember also that the first commandment given by God to them was to be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. Following the death of Abel, Adam was 130 years old when he fathered his 3rd known son, Seth.  

Few questions we need to ask: How long were Adam and Eve been living together before they had a child? How many children were born to Adam and Eve in the span of 130 years? Although the Bible didn't say, at a birth rate of 1 child every 5 years, the first couple would have about 26 children in the first 130 years; and if 1 child was born in every 10 years, they would have at least 13. Now, another question we need to ask is how many of their children married each other and have children of their own in the span of those years? 

How many grandchildren and great grandchildren Adam and Eve had in the first 130 years? No doubt, they had many grandchildren and great grandchildren by the time Abel was dead. This means that Cain had many nieces and nephews during those early years. 

In Gen 5: 4, we also read that Adam and Eve have other sons and daughters. Although it appears as though these other sons and daughters were born after Seth, that is not necessarily the case. Even if that was the case in that particular verse, we read in chapter 4 that there are already many people when Abel died. I will expand this one below. 

If we read Genesis 4:1, we will notice that it didn't say Cain was the first child of Adam and Eve. He was the first SON, but not necessarily, the first child. It is possible that Adam and Eve had a daughter or daughters, before Cain because Eve said " I have acquired man from the Lord". It looks as though she had daughters prior to Cain. While it is not certain that Cain had older sisters, we can conclude that Adam and Eve had daughters after Cain was born that are not mentioned in the Bible. As we are aware that the name of daughters are not usually mentioned in those days. 

When Cain left and live in the land land of Nod, Genesis 4: 17 says "Cain knew his wife" (KJV). It didn't say, Cain found a wife in the land of nod! The verse didn't say he found a wife from another race in another place. It was possible that Cain had been living single for quite sometime before he was married, or as some scholars even believe that Cain was already married when he killed Abel. 

Let us look at Genesis 4: 15-16. Following the death of Abel, Cain told God "..anyone who finds me will kill me." This is a proof that there are already many people on earth when Cain killed his brother. In the span of 130 years, we can assume that there are hundreds or thousands of people living on earth but not from another race, but from Adam's because Paul told the Corinthians that Adam was the first man, and he told the Romans, "sin entered into the world by one man, Adam." 

The phrase, "..anyone who finds me will kill me" also show that those people whom Cain were afraid of must be related to Abel whom he killed. Why would Cain be afraid to be killed by people from other race who know nothing about him, unless those people are related to Able? Why would other race care and how would they know he killed a brother? Thus, when Cain killed Abel, it was known to entire family and to the whole clan. Cain was afraid his relatives will take revenge for killing his own brother. 

Because Cain had other brothers and sisters as noted above, the answer to the question is Cain married one of his sisters or perhaps one of his nieces. 

Not Everyone is Going to be Married-Respect It

I am married and have a happy family. But I have many friends that are singles; they are happy and fulfilled as well!  

How the church is dealing with the topic on marriage and singleness seems off balance. Who are we to think that everyone should be married?

Today, I thought about two friends who struggled with some issues in the church and how the church is dealing with it. Years ago, I had a friend who got frustrated with the church during Mothers Day because the church honored all mothers but left out the married couples without children. It is true, we have to honor mothers but what attitude do we portray since not every couple have children? Another friend of mind, got frustrated because the church kept talking about marriage and traditional family but there are many singles who won't be able to relate with the situation being presented. After thinking about this scenario, I come up with ideas and posted them on my Facebook status and also tweeted them!

Not Everyone is Going to be Married-Respect It! Not Every Married Couple will have a child-Understand it! Not Everyone is going to like you-Accept it!  Not every married couple remain married for a life-time-deal with it! 

There are many things in life you just need to understand, accept and deal with it! Due to personal choice and circumstances, people remain single the rest of their lives. Due to medical problems, some married couples cannot have biological child. Due to death and divorce, not every married couple remain married for a life-time!

REPAIRING A BROKEN VOW

Sometime in 2010, when I was new on Facebook, I received a message from a young woman from the Philippines asking me if I would write a short message on Repairing our Broken Vows for the couples in her church. You see, she and a group of other young people organized a couples-night for church members at JCF Buyagan. Soon I heard the result—it had been a triumphant success; the young people were happy they were able to help in rekindling the fire in couples’ relationship. Excited to be a part of the couples-night, giving a message from a distant shore, I began to write my message. (This blog post is a revised and expanded version of message I sent to her).

As I write this note, I think about the family of a young pastor I visited sometime ago who had been going through turbulent times of marital problems. In his 7^th year of marriage, his marital vow‘...for better or for worse...’  is like a cord that is now broken and needs some repairing; his marriage vow—till death do us part—is like a painting that is fading under the scorching noon-day sun of trials, and yes, it needs renewing.  He left his home and church for months; with only infrequent visit to see his daughter and son, ages four and two. I set an appointment with him in a restaurant to talk about his problem. At the course of our conversation, there was no indication he would want to go back to his family; he was pondering seriously the route of divorce. I tried to listen attentively as I eat my noodles or sip my iced-coffee with milk occasionally. “There is no way this marriage can be repaired,” he said. “If you want to make this marriage work,” I replied, “you’ve got to make a deliberate choice and commitment.” I refrained from giving too much advice, except pleading him to return to his family and start a new commitment to love his wife. After we prayed, we parted ways. Saddened by the pastor’s situation, I took a moto-taxi and drove home wondering why such a thing would ever happen to a nice person—it could have been prevented—I thought, could it be?

After that meeting, my hope was high, however; surely, he would, one day, return to his family. He was once a good student; in a million years, I would not have thought of him leaving his family. In my preaching class years ago, he won the best preacher award voted by students.  Not long after that meeting, even after asking some church elders to intervene, I found out that he still had not returned home. I gave him a call a few months later and was told that he has decided to leave his wife and children. Another home was just destroyed—a mom now added in the list of a single mom, worrying how she would raise her kids; kids abandoned by a dad with a yearning question, when would dad ever come home? 

This is not an isolated case. It already happened so many times over, leaving many broken lives behind. Those who went through such experience, especially the children, suffer miserably. The pain, hurt, and damage done are beyond repair. By the power of forgiveness, some managed to skip the haunting memory of their past; others refused to forgive while the invisible wall of ungrace grew ticker. Although, others put their garbage behind, recovered and moved on, many carried their baggage of broken home until their dying day.

“If a pastor struggles to keep his marriage strong, how much more can a common member stand the test?”  somebody asked. When it comes to keeping marital relationship alive, some think that pastors have more power than the members do have. The fact is pastors are not immune to marital problems. Although pastors may have higher accountability because of their title as minister, they do not necessarily possessed special power to make their marriage work. 

The bottom line is, whether or not you are a pastor, you are to keep your marriage covenant. None of us is immune to temptation; none of us is perfect in our marital relationship. Everyone struggles, prone to failure and temptation. Perhaps you have stumbled and fallen by the way side. Perhaps you have been tempted to be unfaithful to your spouse. Perhaps you are going through hard times as you read this. Marriage is a hard work that last for a lifetime. The good news is even if you have fallen by the way side you can get up, start all over again, and move on! Today you can be the very best husband your wife had ever dreamed. Today you can be the best wife your husband had ever dreamed. There is always hope. Give it a chance.

Husband and wife, you must work hard to keep your vows alive. In the end, you’d be glad you did!

It is a Lie to Tell Her, she is the Most Beautiful Woman in the Entire Planet

Our 11th year wedding anniversary photo

When men say, “My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world,” they are lying. 

Years ago, someone told me, "men are liar". I think they really are, sometimes. To tell your girlfriend or wife that she is the most beautiful woman only proves that men are liar. 

I would never tell my wife that she is the most beautiful woman in the entire world because I know for a fact that there are lots of women who are perhaps more beautiful her. It is an illusion to think that she is the fairest one of all; and it is a flattery to tell her that she is the best woman in the entire planet. Others would say, “my wife is the most beautiful woman in my own eyes.” When they say that, I don't think they really mean it. 

Unless you really mean it, don't tell your wife or girlfriend that she is the most beautiful woman. You don't need to tell a lie to prove your love for her. I tell my wife almost everyday that she is very beautiful, but I don't have to tell her that she is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. When I do that, I am being truthful-telling her the truth. Just because I will not tell her that she is the most beautiful woman does not make my love for her less.

Although, more women are perhaps more beautiful than her, I have fallen in love with her alone-no one else.