How to Gain Respect from People of Other Cultures

Years ago, a well-respected and well-known person in his own country was assigned as interim mission leader in another. Even if this person was well-respected in his own, he was not immediately respected when he moved to that particular country. Those who knew him, respected him but those who don't know him didn't. It's simple, it takes time to know the person. He has to prove himself first and earn the national's respect and trust. Unfortunately, he made drastic decisions that jeopardized the national's respect towards him. 

You might say, "I don' t mind being disrespected" or "I don' t mind if people do not respect me, not a big deal." It may not be a big deal, but if you want to be effective in getting the gospel message across, gaining respect is one key to unlock the door of effective communication.

7 Tips on Earning the Respect of People from Other Culture

Are you contemplating to serve in other culture or are you already in one? The clarity of your call does not negate the necessity of learning the culture of people you are called to serve.

1. Understand that Respect is a Earned
It is a hard fact that trust and respect must be earned. You already knew this but it is easier said than done. Just because you are well-respected in your own country does not mean you will be respected immediately when you go to another. Respect is not transferable; it is earned.

Because it takes time to build trust, it takes time to earn respect. Respect is process and it comes after trust is gained. If the people know they can trust you, you have gained their respect. 

2. Be a Servant; bury the boss within

I've seen arrogance and superiority. Don' t be bossy; serve them and you will be served! This is the essence of incarnational attitude-out of your comfort zone, go out and serve. People like to be lead but not to be controlled. Lead them with a servant heart. There's nothing wrong if you come alongside the locals; better yet to be lead by them! If you are not ready for this, you are not ready for cross-cultural ministry! Of course, situation varies--you lead them or they lead you or you come alongside them, but the application of the spirit of servanthood remains the same in every culture.

3. Touch the Local's Heart Before Implementing Change
If you are in leadership, sooner or later you would be compelled to make some changes. Some people adamantly resist change, others do not. Here is a key that will be helpful, before you implement a change, touch the people's heart first. Remember what John Maxwell always say, "Leaders touch a heart before they ask for a hand." Before you even ask the people to agree with you or to come aboard with you, you must touch their heart. There will always be people who do not want change, but if you touch enough people, chances are those who oppose fade sooner or latter.

4. Listen to People and Learn their Culture
Sometimes we have to listen to God even if it costs our relationship with people. At times, we have to stand for what we believe and what is right regardless of the consequences. It is important to listen to God first and His voice overrides all other voices.

While listening to God is essential, I must warn you; don't get caught with the attitude that you have a direct line to God and others don't. Sometimes leaders think that God speaks only to them and He does not speak to their followers. Because of this attitude of have a "direct line to God" and that people don't have same line, some leaders do not listen to people enough. Sometimes, we may miss interpret the voice are hearing.  We may think it is God's but it is actually our own. How do you know it was God speaking? This would be another piece to write.

It is important to listen to God but God speaks to you through people as well. As I type this, I immediately recall the decision King Rehoboam made when he came to power after the death of his father, Solomon.  He did not have direct line to God. He didn't even consult God. He heard two voices; which one is the best? His decision was based on what his young advisers told him. His decision tore up his Kingdom!

Learning the culture is difficult and there is no easy road. Although you can learn from reading and listening, nothing can take the place of knowing the language. If you cannot speak the language, find other ways to become student of the culture and live like the locals.

5. Give up your Own Perspective
Learn that it's not about you, it's about them and God. You came to serve and minister to them, right? People do not care your know-how and know-it-all attitude until they knew you care enough. Do not go to the mission field like you have all the answer to people's questions and needs.

If you are willing to give up your physical comfort in your own country, be ready to give up your perspective and opinion when you move to the mission field.Giving up things is easier than giving up your perspective and worldview. I find it ironic when missionaries are willing to sacrifice things in their own country, move to the mission field but do not want to lay down their own perspective. They are willing to die for things that are not worth dying for. They may think what they are fighting for is biblical but in it isn't; only western mindset!

6. Try to Live Like the Locals
This is difficult when you consider the risk of getting sick or even death because you force yourself to live like them. A missionary once told me, "If I have to get sick to be a missionary, then I am not a missionary." I understand the point he was trying to communicate. Sure there is no need to risk your health for the long haul, but if you are too careful you will miss some opportunities. For fear of getting diarrhea or getting sick,  I try to avoid drinking tea they serve whenever I visit the rural areas. I was told that water come from the pond and I was afraid I will caught bacteria. This happened in my early years. Today, I drink tea anywhere without fear.

An intern came to Cambodia and whenever he visits the villages, he eats the local food, sleep like the locals. Even if he does not speak the language, he speak the language of "living like the locals". Sure enough, he got sick several times. But what happened when the locals saw him live them? He gained their respect instantly, others couldn't earn in years.He was admire not because of what he brings but because of how he live.

7. Be Humble and Never Stop Learning
During my 12 years of living in another culture, I have made many mistakes but I also learned many lessons I would never have learned otherwise. I am not expert in cross-cultural ministry, but I am a student of the culture and never ceased learning since.

Humility sums all seven tips; live it! When you move into a culture different from yours, the feeling of superiority can be very hard to overcome. The best antidote to superiority is humility. Yet, humility is easier defined than practiced. Humility is seen by your attitude and lifestyle. One surefire sign of humility is admitting your mistake when you make one. Your are not infallible and therefore your decisions are not infallible. The more you admit your mistakes the greater the respect you gain.

BEWARE OF YES-FOLLOWERS OR YES-MEN

 Last month, I read an interesting article on Yahoo about Michael Jordan.  Unfortunately, I do not play basketball; nonetheless, the name Jordan is a basketball legend. Everyone in the basketball camp knows Jordan, the NBA player who lead Chicago Bulls into amazing victories in years. Since Jordan's retirement I have not heard much about him and what he does. His mansion by the way was up for sale for $29 million in February this year. 

Curious about the article’s title I began reading with great interest. Well, the title of the article reads Charles Barkley blames Michael Jordan’s woes in Charlotte on M.J.’s yes-men By Kelly Dwyer | Ball Don't Lie

Speaking about Jordan, Charles said this:

I think the biggest problem has been I don't know if he has hired enough people around him who he will listen to. One thing about being famous is the people around you, you pay all their bills so they very rarely disagree with you because they want you to pick up the check. They want to fly around on your private jet so they never disagree with you. I don't think Michael has hired enough people around him who will disagree (Emphasis mine).

The point I am making here is not to blame Michael Jordan or his alleged yes-men, even if the point of the Yahoo article seemed to blame the yes-men in Jordan’s camp. On the contrary, the issue I like to raise here is leadership. 

In leadership, there are 'yes-men' or 'yes-followers' and there are some leaders who want only yes-followers because they are not secure enough to empower others. Yet, the issue I like to raise is not to blame the yes-followers but to blame leadership who wants yes-men on their team.   

After reading the article, leadership has dawned on me. One of the reasons leaders failed in making a greater impact is because they want yes-men on their team. I have watched leaders in the past who want only yes-followers, yes-men who never disagree with the leadership. 

Whenever followers begin to raise their head and question leadership authority, leaders feel threatened. Instead of being grateful, some leaders think that those who raise questions the most are carnal and proud. I would love to have people on my team who knows how to think for themselves and not simply follow orders.

'NOBODY IS INFALLIBLE'

AP Photo/Stefano Medici

Who is she? Does this photo look familiar?  It probably is, if you are familiar with the dramatic Trial of Amanda Knox last year, an American student convicted of murder by Italian court, but later acquitted, declared innocent and was free. 

Today as I was reflecting on the alleged infallibility of Christian leaders' decision, I was reminded of where I originally got the idea from. I borrowed the statement 'no one is infallible' from a lawyer. Last year, I learned about the 'infallibility' of leader’s decision after my exposure to media coverage, specially the internet, about Amanda Knox Trial. As I dig into my files today, I found something I had written concerning the trial of Amanda Knox. 

Knox had become a media sensation after her arrest on November 6, 2007—four days after Meredith Kercher’s body was found in the apartment they shared in Perugia, Italy. Kercher, 21, a British student was brutally stabbed to death, and Knox, an American student convicted and sentenced to 26 years in prison for murdering her roommate.

In 2009, Knox appealed for the verdict. As the trial getting closer and the anticipated verdict would soon be announced, Dalla Vedoda, the defense lawyer on Amanda Knox Trial said,  "Knox has been crucified in a public square, subjected to the most sinister of speculations".  He pointed out that the lower court that had convicted Amanda had made a mistake. "That's exactly why we have appeals — courts can make mistakes," he said. "Nobody is infallible."[1] The lawyer called this mistake as a “tragic judicial case” for convicting an innocent person who was crucified in the public square by media. 

Is this all about lawyer’s tactics? Even if Knox was sentenced to 26 years in prison, she appealed for the verdict, and the court acquitted her of murder in October of last year. She was freed and returned to Seattle. There were some speculations surrounding the trials whether Knox was guilty or innocent. Others questioned the credibility of the judicial system in Italy. One thing is certain, no one is infallible-even the court will make mistakes. In February this year, Italian prosecutors launched appeal against Knox acquittal. Whatever will become of this appeal is going to be another court debate. 

If nobody is infallible, why do some Christian leaders think they are? Leaders are fallible beings; therefore, their decisions are not infallible. Because leaders believe they represent God, they fall into the trap of thinking that their decisions are also infallible. Such infallibility trap is obvious when leaders are not willing to bend on ecclesiastical decisions they make, and other non-biblical issues they formulated. The decision is often imposed with the notion that submission to leadership authority is required biblically, requiring subordinates to submit willfully or they are classified as unruly. 

Oh, the trap of human pride hidden behind the curtain of being God’s representative! Death to self, expressed in humility is lacking among leaders who claim God's anointing. Oh that everyone learns from his mistakes! Leadership authority does not, in any way, imply infallibility of decisions.

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[1] Defense: Knox 'crucified' in the media. ALESSANDRA RIZZO - Associated Press.

http://news.yahoo.com/defense-knox-crucified-media-114637080.html (September 30, 2011)

The Leader and His Decision

Greg's Photo (Phnom Penh)

 

One of the toughest responsibilities leaders constantly face is decision-making. Sometimes there are decisions that only the leader can make; this makes decision-making indispensable for progress. The inability of a leader to make quick and clear decision is detrimental your organization's progress on hold. A delayed decision is a delayed progression.

Why Leader Delays Important Decisions? 

1. The leader is unsure what to do

2. The leader is unwilling to take responsibility

3. The leader is afraid to take risks

4. The leader is not ready for the consequences

5. The leader is waiting for the proper time

6. The leader is weighing the best option

Ten Guidelines when Face with Tough Decisions

1. Don’t Rush to Make Important Decision

Although, some decisions are urgent and must be made immediately, others do not require you to act immediately. Premature decision brings improper result. Consider many angles before you act.

2. Don't Wait too Long

After praying and weighing the best option, make your decision known to your people. Waiting too long on important decision delays progress. 

3. Don't Try to Please Everyone

You need to decide regardless of the potential negative response. Trying to please everyone with your decision cripples the progress of your organization. There will always be people that will be not be happy with any decision. Strong leaders stand for what is right regardless of the outcome and the people's response. 

4. Make Sure you Have the Facts

Decisions made based on wrong information breed wrong results. I have seen leaders making important decision without gathering facts; the result was a disaster. It doesn’t hurt if you listen to many voices for the sake of facts. Even the most trusted source of information is insufficient.  

5. Get the support of your Key People

Just because you are a leader does not mean you make decisions alone. Of course there are decisions that only you will make, but never forget, there are people in your team. Before you decide on important issues, make sure the majority of your key leaders agree with the decision and direction you are about to make. If the majority of your key leaders do not agree, pray some more. Do your research deeper. If your key leaders buy into your decision, the resistance from the people will be lesser. 

6. Implement your Decision Slowly and carefully

When the majority of your people do not buy your decision, chaos will eventually follow. This is especially when initiating change. Even though change is the only constant, people do not like change. Because of this, you need to do it slowly. 

7. Go Against the Crowd

We all know that the majority is not always right, and going against the tide maybe the best route. At times, you have to make decision even if it is against the majority of the people. If you are sure that what you are about to decide is inspired by God, go ahead regardless of the people's response. Be willing to take responsibility when you do. If the people trust you, they will join you. Let me warn you though. You can only do this if you've got the full trust of your people. If they know you care about them, even if they don't agree, they will still follow. Don't do this unless they know you care for them enough. The leadership maxim, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care,” is true. If you are a new leader in a new organization or church, learn this maxim well.

8. Admit When you Made Wrong Decisions

No one is infallible. Even the godliest leader makes wrong decisions. Admit that you are not infallible being, therefore, your decisions are not infallible either. Be quick to admit when your decisions are wrong. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that because you are the leader and you represent God, your decision must be always right. You gain more people’s respect when you admit your decision is wrong. Admitting your mistake does not make you less effective.

9. Be Consistent, but Learn to Compromise

Stick to your decision; this is necessary. Don't forget, consistency matters; let the people know you are a leader with principle.  Nonetheless, you need to know when to be tough and know when to be gentle. Don't forget that compromise is not always a bad thing. It has a place in leadership. Learn to bend, when the big picture is at stake.  

10. Learn that, when it comes to Decision-making, Timing is Everything

It is possible to make right decisions but done in a wrong time. When the timing is wrong, even if the decision is right, it does not bring good results.

The Power of Listening

Years ago while sitting in a hotel lobby, one of my guests asked me, "Greg, tell me about yourself." The moment I started sharing, he turned his face in a different direction and began talking with other people. I didn't continue to tell him about myself anymore, but I felt insulted. I've never forgotten this encounter. From this experience, I learned this:  

Never ask question to someone if you are not prepared to listen. 

I've had many hurtful experiences where others are not willing to listen. Lots of the mistakes leaders make is not listening enough. Listening does not always mean you approve what other people say. Listening to people's request and demands does not mean you follow their wish.

Listening to people shows  that:

(1) You value them

(2) You respect them

(3) You care about them

You will be respected as a leader if you just listen more. Spend time with people whenever you can. While task is important, people are more important than the task. 

John Maxwell used to say, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care". One way to show that you really care is to listen enough. If people know that you care about them, they will listen to you as well. As a leader, you need to show how much care before you demand something. You need to touch their heart first before you ask for their hand. 

Challenges in Ministry



Greg's Photo taken at Kep, Cambodia

Life and ministry experience is a cycle of paradox, juxtaposition, and contrast. There are valleys but there are mountaintops. While there are trials, there are also triumphs. While there is bad news, there is also good news. There is adversity but there is victory. There are times of perplexity but there also times of tranquility. There are positive and negatives. 

The church is not exempted from going through periods of mountaintops and valleys. It has gone through trials and triumphs. The church has not overcome all adversaries. The perplexing times are not over. There are hurts but hopes are high.

Regardless of the situation, life and ministry must go on. The challenges are huge and the needs are many. The task is great but the vision is clear. The larger the vision the greater the need for teamwork.

Tough leadership decision has to be made and ministry must go on. Leadership is tougher than we think. One leadership problem that I observed is that we try to manage people instead of leading them. "Manage things. Lead people" is a quote I have in my file.

While we struggle to solve conflicts, lost people slip into eternal darkness. God's purpose for reaching out to the lost world is sacrificed upon the altar of our internal church conflict. Our act of generosity is placed on the altar of stewardship making our giving limited in the facade of being a good steward of God's resources.

Becoming a Better Servant not a Better Leader

Photo Credit: Dr. R. Bickert

After studying the teaching of Jesus on being a servant, I began to think how can I be a better servant and not a better leader. In the past, I used to think how I would become a better leader. I read dozens of books on leadership because I wanted to improve my leadership ability and skill. I was fascinated with the subject of leadership because there seems to be a leadership crisis both the church and the world. John Maxwell's dictum that, "Everything rises and falls on leadership," is true, making leadership a necessity. 

Despite the leadership crisis around, my encounter with the actual words of Jesus on servanthood forced me not to think how to be a better leader but to be a better servant. In fact God seems to impress on me to go the extreme and take the words of Jesus literally-become a servant-servant of all. After much thought and prayer, abdicating my leadership position might be the radical way to go to become a real servant in a real world! I’d be extremely happy if I’ll just be a pure servant for the Cambodian church.

The path of positional leadership is not the path I should follow. Leading might not work for me any longer but serving; this I want to pursue. I don’t think I have what it takes to be a leader, but I do have what it takes to be a servant. I have the heart to do the least job available. I am willing to do dirtiest job  out there. I can do what a real servant can do. 

Many people think about leadership but not service. Although politicians talk about 'service' what they really want is leadership position, power and prestige. Wait a minute, there should never be no polarization of being a leader and a being servant. Right, and that's why others teach servant-leadership. Servanthood and leadership should go hand-and-hand they argue.  The servant concept becomes a facade as one wants to be a servant yet still clamoring for leadership power and position. 

Ironically, however, one becomes a better leader by being a better servant.